Bris? Less painful here.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah? We’ll make a Mensch of
you yet.
Sweet 16? You’ll feel like you’re 21.
Graduation? Graduate you will...
Nuptials? Done here, they’re permanent.
Baby Shower? Enjoy the party while you can.
Birthday? You won’t feel younger, but you will
feel better (if you can feel at all).
Retirement? We’ll get you started on the world’s
longest coffee break!
Wake? You bring the stiff, we've got the sauce.